Blindsided - Part 2

🧳 Hello, Fellow Unpackers! 🧳

Hey Unpackers! Hope you're well. I am back to continue this current journey I have had thrown in front of me because, well, you know, we haven’t had enough speed bumps in the road of life as yet!

I invite you all to email me so we can get to know each other. I would love to be there for you if you have your own journey you're battling with, too. Just send me an email at:

unpackingmefromthentonow@gmail.com

If I can give support or encouragement to anyone, it would be my pleasure.

As my journey continued, my surgery booked, I was becoming anxious, and I won't deny it, a little scared. I needed my eldest daughter by my side, I wouldn’t be allowed to drive for 2 weeks post-op, and had to be careful what I did at home due to restrictions on lifting and stretching post-surgery. I asked her and she said, "Mumma, if you need me to come down after the surgery, I will." She looked drained, and I could tell so much had been taking a toll on her recently. Her whole life pulled out from under her, and as much as she was home and with her own family, she missed her friends, work colleagues, and her ex's parents with whom she has a beautiful relationship with.

I said thank you to her and that I understood she had to rebuild her life back in QLD. That night I was with my parents, and after they went to bed, I was really upset. I couldn’t fall asleep and knew I couldn’t go home for the surgery without her. Two of my closest friends were on the phone and basically said, “She’s not a mind reader, you have always put everyone first, but now you need her!”

“Get off the phone and call her and tell her!”

Feeling a little like a reprimanded child but grateful for their friendship, I took their advice. I called my daughter and she answered happily and smiling. I broke down instantly, with a mixture of fear and guilt stirring inside me. My daughter was concerned, warm, and caring at the same time. Through my tears, I told her I needed her to come home with me the next day. I couldn’t drive home, I was exhausted mentally and emotionally, and I couldn’t get through the surgery or the next two weeks without her.

I recall saying I’m so sorry over and over again. She was telling me, "Don’t be sorry, and it’s ok." She said I should have expressed how much I needed her earlier instead of saying you need to rebuild your own life. From my hazy memory, I recall her saying, “Nothing is more important to me than you, Mumma!”

Trying to calm me down, her voice was soothing and mature, she said, “I’ll pack a bag before bed and I’ll come with you tomorrow.” I thanked her over and over, and she kept repeating, "It’s ok." We talked for a bit longer as a group with my daughter-in-law and my other kids. They were all talking away, cheering me up and helping me to calm down.

I felt so emotionally drained, I knew they could tell, saying our good night's, I went to bed.

Laying in my bed, I began to cry again, a mixture of happy, sad, confused, frightened, yet determined not to give up on myself. At some point, I fell asleep.

Waking up the following morning, I felt like a truck had hit me. My mind was a mess, foggy and disorganised. Looking in the mirror, I told myself to snap out of it. I showered, packed my stuff, and loaded the car. Saying goodbye to Mum and Dad was emotional; they were, as always, positive and supportive, reminding me how much I had overcome in my life to this point. You'll kick its butt my Dad said. Hugging them both, I jumped in the car and went to pick up my daughters. 

We headed off, and it wasn't long before I fell asleep. My eldest daughter was driving, chatting with my youngest, saying how exhausted I was. I was feeling relieved that I had my strong and beautiful eldest daughter by my side, and so proud of who she had become. Knowing she would also support her teenage sister during the next couple of weeks.

So the cancer treatment journey was now beginning. I had to attend appointments with an anesthesiologist and physiotherapist the day before surgery. Frustrating to say the least, as parking is almost zero near the hospital. My daughter, dropping me off and heading to another location to wait, appointments done, I called her to pick me up from the front. We enjoyed the time in the car, chatting and listening to music. This bringing a brief distraction to the current circumstances of the surgery.

All this is an emotional journey with many ups and downs. I felt so drained from very little, really; however, I needed a rest. My daughter insisting I go for a nap before packing for the surgery the next day. I was also fasting, so that would be taking a toll, I thought, so I had a nap. Waking an hour or so later, I felt refreshed and calm. I packed my hospital bag and all necessities. 

The day of the surgery, I woke very early at 3.45am. I felt nauseated and had a headache. Checking my sugar levels, they were quite low, however, still in the normal range. I was unable to eat or drink anything besides a sip of water until the surgery. I had to attend a radiology unit pre-surgery for dye injection, tracing, and imaging for surgery prep; however had to go to pathology first to have my pre-surgery bloods taken. 

So, first stop, no parking, dropped at the front of the hospital. Went to pathology and had my blood taken. Called my daughter to pick me up again at the front, and went to the Radiologist. Checked in and seated in the waiting room. As time went by, the nausea continued to get worse. In the radiography room, I had the dye injected and had to wait for it to get to the required site, the trace to be successful, and have the imaging scan done. Each minute felt like 10, and I felt sicker and sicker as time went by. I suddenly felt like I needed to throw up, calling out to the staff for a sick bag. That was the start of the most awful morning one could imagine before going into surgery.

Due to a particular medication I was taking, I had to cease the week before, I threw up continuously for the next few hours. Anti-nausea medication wasn't helping, and they decided to scan my tummy. The special diet and fasting had not been successful in emptying my tummy contents, requiring a tube down my nose to my stomach and draining it. When they said we are going to put you to sleep now, I was relieved.

I don't remember anything else until I was in my room on the ward. I was extremely thirsty and absolutely starving. My pain wasn't too bad at that stage, and my daughters arrived to visit soon after.

Whilst my daughters were visiting, the staff brought me sandwiches, coffee, biscuits, and refilled my water jug. Those hospital sandwiches were so good, you'd think it was a 5-star meal. The coffee and bikkies topping it off perfectly. I drank a litre and a half of water during their visit. It was getting late, and it was dark outside. It was time for the girls to leave. I walked them downstairs as I felt I needed to move. Returning to my room, my nurse did my obs and brought me pain relief. I settled into bed ready for a big sleep. Only to wake up at 2315hrs. Feeling nauseated again, the nurse gave me some more antinausea medication. I felt unsettled, so I went for a little walk. Returning to my room after a bit, the nurse gave me another pain tablet, a stronger one, as my pain had increased after the anesthetic wore off.

As I lay in the hospital bed, I hoped they had removed all the cancer. Uncomfortable in the hospital gown, I tossed and turned a bit until I fell asleep. One of the most difficult things on this journey is the unknown and the waiting.

Reflecting on part 2, I feel the takeaway here is that no matter how difficult something is, different stages feel harder to deal with; however, we have no choice but to get through each stage minute by minute and make it out the other side okay. Believing in yourself, knowing you are strong enough, and remembering you are not alone.

Sending love and strength to all of you ❤️

Tee 🩷 xox

Blindsided- Part 1

🧳 Hello, Fellow Unpackers! 🧳

Hello my dear fellow unpackers! I have kept you all in my mind and heart over the last month. Often thinking to myself I have left you guys hanging and you must feel like I’m ghosting you. Before I unpack my journery please know that is not the case and your journeys mean so much to me too. In revealing my recent journey I hope it resonates with you and if you need to reach out please do so.

A few posts back I had discussed that I was undertaking placement for my university studies. During placement I had a pain in my right armpit. It felt tender and hard in one spot. Thinking to myself, hmmm that doesn’t seem good I decided I should probably get it checked so I searched Breast screening near me. As always once you look up something other information starts to appear in your social media.

In some of this information it explained changes to the breast you should be aware of. Obvious lumps, nipple changes or discharge, rashes, hot areas and new dimples. I had never heard of dimpling to be a cause of concern when checking your breasts. The reason for this alarm was that over a few months I had noticed a dimple that had never been there before. Brushing it off as changes due to weight loss and regain, gravity, peri menopause and well general change as I aged. I booked an appointment for a mammogram asap.

I continued my hectic schedule of shifts with work between placement shifts until my mammogram appointment arrived. I had my mammogram and the lovely staff advising me I would receive my results in 2 weeks. The process would not stop churning in my mind but I had to stay positive. One week later I received a call. They were recalling me for further tests and assessment. The nurse reassured me that sometimes they just needed to get some better imaging and to try not to worry.

Always easier said than done however I went back the following week to the next clinic where I had a 3D mammogram, physical examination by a breast surgeon and ultrasound. It was the dimple on my left that was of concern. My right symptoms had stopped and they said there was nothing of concern to the right breast.

One of their Doctors came out to the waiting room calling my name and I followed her into an office. She explained that the surgeon wanted to do a biopsy. Feeling a little teary I was suddenly overwhelmed and my mind was blurring in confusion. The doctor was caring and reassuring saying it will be ok and give us a definite outcome. So I went and had the biopsy. It was uncomfortable and bruised a lot. Minimal pain just uncomfortable.

Again they said I would have the results in two weeks. The waiting and unknown is mentally exhausting. Emotionally also, I would cry out of no where and not even understand what had triggered my tears exactly. One week later I was called to say can you come in, we have your result's. I was focusing on remaining positive and telling myself it’s going to be negative.

One week later driving in to my appointment I started to cry and could not stop. Arriving again to the clinic and the Dr calling my name, they didn’t need to tell me. I knew in my heart the result's. She touched my hand gently with reassurance and told me I was positive for Left Breast Cancer. I was a mess, they gave me a folder and said everything you need to know is in here. And if I needed to talk after all this sunk in to call them. They acknowledged my shock and grief was going to make it difficult to discuss it at that moment. I thanked them for their support and almost ran all the way back to my car, sobbing.

I tried to pull myself together because I needed to call my mum and dad. I didn’t do a very good job but even as upset as I was my parents were positive and comforting. I notified my boss who also was supportive and comforting and told me to take a few days to process everything. I messaged my house mates and my best friend. Driving home it was another of those trips on auto pilot. Arriving home safely with no recollection of the trip.

Then I went to my room and cried and cried and cried. The usual questions going through my mind, why me? What’s caused this? When are the challenges going to stop? Falling asleep my 15year old Daughter woke me at 6pm so we could feed all the farm animals before dark. The sleep had settled my eyes from puffiness and she asked me how it went. In an instant I felt like I had to protect her. So I said I have to have more tests. She gave me a hug and positively said must not be much if they have to keep searching Mum. Oh to have that optimism again of youth.

I focused on normalcy and routine to keep my mind distracted and to protect my children. I wanted to see the surgeon and find out everything before I decided to tell my children.

On this day I had received my diagnosis I went to bed but was woken at 1.30am with a call from my daughter in the NT. She was distraught her relationship of 5 years ending. I knew I had to keep this to myself definitely for now. A week later she returned to Qld permanently and we had a wedding to attend. The couple were like my own children to me so I did not want to let my news wreck their day. The following Wednesday I saw the surgeon, she clarified the procedure which included a lumpectomy and node biopsy. She told me what type of cancer it was and its properties and the treatment planned. She reassured me saying we have found it early and the outcome is good.

That afternoon I received a call from the hospital confirming I was scheduled for surgery a week later. Relieved they were getting it out of me quickly. I now could tell my children. The boys were boys and said funny things like at least you get to keep your boob. My youngest was like it will be gone soon and my 22 year old broke down. It was a lot with everything she had gone through with her relationship ending and moving back to Qld. After all it was also only 3 and a half years since they lost their father to cancer. As we told her the details she began to calm down and see the positives like early diagnosis and quick treatment. And the high cure rate for this type. She suddenly said you got this Mumma after everything else you’ve gone through this will be a piece of cake.

That night I lay in bed and quietly thanked the darkened room for my wonderfully strong and amazing children.

This is a lot to process and only a small portion of the month’s craziness. I feel that my takeaway here is that no one is immune from health issues and that we all need to give ourselves praise from giving ourselves lots of self love and acknowledging the good we have done. Like how amazing my kids were when I told them my Diagnosis of Breast Cancer to their support before I began treatments.

I will leave it here for this post, but will continue with a Part 2.

If you or anyone you know has been diagnosed with Breast Cancer I beg you to seek emotional and mental professional help and to talk about whatever concerns you are thinking of or feeling.

Until part two, remember you matter, you are strong and you are loved.

Sending love and strength to all of you ❤️

Tee 🩷 xox

Who and why we are the way we are!

🧳 Hello, Fellow Unpackers! 🧳

A big welcome back to everyone! I hope you are all enjoying our journey of unpacking who we are and what being truly authentic means.

As I started this week’s blog, I reflected on the different elements that make up each of us and what influences our actions, feelings, and behavior. Do we really understand who we are and why we are the way we are? That’s a huge question, and I don’t know about you, but it feels like a giant concept to grasp.

We are born, and a new life is created. We grow through infancy, childhood, and our teen years until we become adults. But for what purpose? Why do we exist? Surely, there must be a reason! If there wasn’t, why would we have emotions or feelings? Would it matter whether we are funny, sad, happy, successful, talented, or smart? Why do physical attributes like height or appearance hold any significance? Wouldn't life run like clockwork if we functioned like emotionless robots?

Honestly, I don’t have all the answers. This week, I’m hoping some of you will share your thoughts to help me unpack these questions.

In my research, I read that humans have about 70,000 thoughts a day, most of which are automatic, with only a few being consciously considered. This realization made me feel exhausted. Wow, our brains do so much work, but what for?

Of course, many unconscious thoughts are essential for our physical functions—like walking, talking, or even mindlessly driving from point A to point B, only to realize you didn’t consciously remember the drive. It’s a bit scary how we can go into autopilot without realizing it, yet our unconscious thoughts keep us safe.

So, what’s the point of all these thoughts? Why are so many negative or self-limiting? The answer lies in the influences we encounter from birth to adulthood. No one is perfect. Even the well-meaning people in our lives can inadvertently hurt us, which can lead to varying degrees of trauma.

When we become parents, for instance, there's no instruction manual that comes with our newborn. We’re thrown into the deep end, trying to keep our heads above water, hoping we get it right. Grandparents often provide advice that is well-meant but may not be applicable to every child or situation.

Some people nurture and guide in a sensitive manner, while others use tough love. This leads us to the question: What does this exposure do to a new human being? Is it compatible with their innate personality? Does it foster gentle, kind, and secure adults who value their self-worth? Or does it create adults who feel insecure, unheard, or undervalued—controlled by fear?

I have my own opinions and a feel I understand who I am as a person and my values. Yet, I also know what I fear. I don’t know when fear began to control who I am or how to undo its effects on my life.

Fear triggers alarm bells and negative limitations. Why are we so scared of what others might think or say? Isn’t it what makes us happy and valued that truly matters? I can hear you saying, “Yes, that’s what's important!”

So, how can we undo the influences that lead to those insecure, fearful thoughts running through our minds daily? I’ve always felt I was kind and respectful, considering others' feelings and trying to empower their confidence and self-worth.

As I approach my 50th year, I still worry about what others think of me or how my words may lead to conflict. I fear upsetting people and losing them. Why can’t I be my true, authentic self? Why can’t I have boundaries that deserve respect?

Too often, I feel that I’m not strong enough or resilient enough to risk losing everyone I hold close by asserting, “I deserve better than this.” Many of those people carry their own emotional baggage, handling it in unconstructive ways, and I admit that I allow this behavior.

Partly because I recognize we often don’t understand what a person's own 70,000 thoughts are saying and how they affect that individual. I try to find the good in people, even when negativity rises.

Ultimately, it goes back to what I shared earlier: No one is truly perfect. With those we are closest to, the saying "familiarity breeds contempt" often rings true. That’s when fear creeps in—the fear of speaking up or standing firm could push them away and leave us suffering with loneliness.

By avoiding arguments or conflict, we end up betraying ourselves. We tolerate uncomfortable situations just to avoid hostility, leading to feelings of loneliness anyway.

It seems we find ourselves in a damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don’t situation. Pretty frustrating, right?

I’ll conclude this week with what I’m doing to respect myself and build my self-worth. Every day, I remind myself that I am here for a reason. I tell myself I am safe, valued, and loved. I high-five myself in the mirror—a tool from @Mel Robbins' book The High 5 Habit—and while I’m at it, I found this tool after coming across her latest book, The Let Them Theory.

This book is what prompted me to start unpacking the real me. I hear her voice, and something clicks inside me. I feel safe, loved, and guided. Sometimes, I even listen to her audiobook, not just to hear the words but to feel her energy. I’ve listened to The Let Them Theory 11 times so far. One day, I hope to meet @Mel Robbins in person. I may not have fully unpacked myself, healed, or grown completely, but I have definitely changed the direction of my path.

My father always told me to look in the mirror every morning and say, “Today is going to be a great day.” It’s taken until now, my 50th year, to realize that this is just like @Mel Robbins’ high-five approach.

Let me remind you: you are enough. You can do this! You, too, are worthy of respect, happiness, and love.

Sending love and strength to all of you ❤️

Tee 🩷 xox

Better Late than Never

 🧳 Hello, Fellow Unpackers! 🧳

I’m a couple of days late, but as they say, "better late than never!" Firstly, welcome back, and I’m so grateful to have you all on this journey with me. Before I get into what I have been up to, I just wanted to let you all know that I am here for you and would love to get to know you all and hear how you are doing on your own adventure unpacking the real you.

So hit the follow button and send me an email; you are not alone. Always remember that. xx

My journey this week has been crazy, with me finalizing my university placement, studying, and traveling through everyday ordeals. I return to work this week, thankfully, so income can resume. That’s one relief, I assure you.

All the above said and done is only a speck in the reality of life’s big picture. I have been emotionally supporting some dear people in my life who are going through what I would say is one of the hardest struggles anyone can experience. One is about to leave this world on another journey and the other is losing the love of their life.

“Traumatic” is the best word I feel to explain the situation. I know firsthand how emotional a journey this is, as I too have nursed my own husband and the father of my children as he left this world.

Tears have been constant, and it’s been impossible not to show my emotions. The personal struggle of my dear friends is a fresh reminder of the past and a time of reflection. Nothing prepares us when we lose or are in the process of losing someone we love. Nothing explains the feelings or emotions that arise.

When looking after our loved ones, it’s difficult to respect their wishes at times when you just want to help them. As they are declining, our very hearts and souls are being ripped from our being, and we are torn apart by not wanting them to leave while praying for their pain and suffering to end.

At this moment, I just want to ask you all to remember to have self-compassion and kindness toward yourself. Remember, it’s okay not to be okay. It’s okay to need help and support. We never know what life will give us or what our ends will involve.

So, as we continue on our present path, I’d like to ask that we appreciate everything and anything we get the opportunity to experience. Good or bad, let’s find the lessons in these experiences.

If your trauma or past experiences still bring you immense grief or sadness I urge you to reach out and get support. Birth and death are expected parts of life, what we do in between is up to us.

Turning 50 has really made me consider that I need to make the most of every single moment, feel it, process it and allow myself to heal when needed. To find the greatest parts still to enjoy. Find the happiness and discard the negativity and draining non constructive parts.

This post is dedicated to the person who was like a second Dad to me. In respect of him I will not mention his name but I will miss you very much. Those close to me will know who I am referring to. I am beyond broken that I did not get to see you in time but am grateful we got to say our goodbyes on the phone. I love you. And I will finish my degree I promise you. I will make you proud. I will be their always for your wife I promise that too, an amazing woman I’m so grateful to have as a friend and second Mum.

I know this is quite a sad post but it’s also a celebration to an amazing person who didn’t give up the fight. And a lesson to us all to give our everything on our own life journey.

Sending love and strength to everyone ❤️

Tee 🩷 xox

"Wow, What a Week! Lessons from My Busy Days—How Did Yours Go?"

  🧳 Hello, Fellow Unpackers! 🧳

This week felt like a real challenge from the get-go, starting my day at 4:00 AM every day. I had mapped out my routine, carefully considering travel time, costs, my personal tasks, and the joys of parenting a teenager.

I’m also juggling studying for a university degree, which includes doing unpaid placements. If you’ve walked this path of self-improvement, you know how draining it can be.

Taking time off from my regular job to invest energy in a future that depends on meeting the requirements of my degree—while also relying on others to determine what I learn during these placements—can be quite overwhelming.

This is the third week of four, and I’m exhausted, to say the least. What I find most challenging is getting enough sleep to stay energized. I often find myself mulling over what’s truly a priority among all my tasks, deciding what’s essential and what can wait.

I’m a big fan of list-making, and I knew this month was going to be huge. So, I wrote out my list and even used post-it notes as a countdown for completing big tasks. During the first weekend, I created countdowns for my work shifts and another set for my placement shifts.

These countdowns help me focus on the positives of completing what I have to do. My lists keep me organized, whether it’s taking my daily medication, doing laundry, or scheduling my shower time to ensure I have some relaxation before bed.

I’ve got a bedtime routine that includes hypnosis and a plan for getting out of bed in the morning. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never been a morning person, and at 49, that hasn’t changed! 😂

I always strive to be flexible and pride myself on being adaptable to those my actions affect. I value reliability and make it a point to ensure my actions align with my words.

Learning is all about seeking opportunities, especially when they aren’t presented to you, and it’s essential to take constructive feedback to enhance your knowledge and skills. We all have our own ways of learning. Personally, I enjoy self-guided education, which doesn't always mean formal practices. I love reading books, watching videos on YouTube, and recently, I’ve started getting into audiobooks.

I’ve begun using my commute to and from work—or any trip, really—to educate myself. While I absolutely love music (it’s therapeutic and brings me joy that sometimes life misses), I’ve found that swapping out some of that time for education has been extremely rewarding. Audio and visual materials are helping me learn more quickly than just reading traditional text.

In my quest to understand my learning style better, I discovered there are four basic types: Visual, Auditory, Read/Write, and Kinesthetic. Understanding this has allowed me to focus more on the Auditory and Visual methods, and I’m finding I can retain information much better than I did before.

What about you? What’s your learning style? I’d love to hear your thoughts on learning, time management, and self-care! This journey I’m on to unpack and find the real me is also aimed at helping others who might be feeling lost, struggling or alone.

Let us unpack and improve together, no one should ever feel alone. From the bottom of my heart l Love you!

Tee 🩷 xox

Welcome

 🧳 Hello, Fellow Unpackers! 🧳

Welcome to our journey! Today, I have been teaching myself how to successfully design, post and manage my blog, whilst jumping hurdles of IT procedures with limited understanding..hehe!

I laugh at myself, because, you know what, if others can well heck I should be allowed to as well. 😊

I am hoping I have managed to get to the bottom of these issues and improved my knowledge and abilities so we can connect and start our journey.

Feel free to comment or email me @ unpackingmefromnowtothen@gmail.com with topic ideas, suggestions or ask me a question.

Tee 🩷 oxo

Unpacking Me!

Welcome to my blog, Unpacking Me! 

 Today I am beginning an adventure that is far out of my comfort zone compared to the usual me. 

I have been thinking about starting a blog for sometime and decided to bite the bullet and just jump in head first. 

This idea came to me after I decided I needed to understand emotional intelligence - why I do the things I do and why I react the way I do to certain elements in my life.

The reason I needed to understand emotional intelligence was decided because I didn’t want to feel lost, stuck or unhappy anymore.

In the planning and researching I began to think about how Unpacking Me from Then to Now could not only help me with some personal clarity but also excited me that I could help others discover who they are and why they act in particular ways. 

I hope we can all grow together by sharing, insights, experiences and lessons learned throughout our personal journeys.

So let’s get started on OUR adventure!           

Tee 🩷 xox