Our Journey’s

🧳 Hello, Fellow Unpackers! 🧳

It’s been a few weeks but I haven’t forgotten you all. How is everyone traveling? I hope well, but if you’re struggling, I hope you’re not alone. As I lay in bed tonight, I began thinking not only of my own struggles but also those of others. I acknowledged to myself that there are always others worse off, and my heart aches that I cannot help those less fortunate.

I watched a news program this evening that blew me away. As I watched, I couldn’t believe the magic unraveling on the screen! It was a story involving a father forgiving the man who killed his children while driving under the influence of alcohol and drugs. Wow. I mean, how, what, when, and why? All these questions raced through my mind. After such a tragedy, all I could see was forgiveness, love, gratitude, and appreciation. My heart swelled as I watched the father’s peace, and how that peace allowed him to remember his children without being clouded by anger or revenge.

I thought back to events in my life where I felt anger and wanted revenge on those who had wronged my family and me. I recalled the emotions, heartache, and mental fog that blocked my path to recovery and happiness. As the news program finished, I felt nothing but admiration and respect for the father. I thought he had a lesson to share, and I couldn’t waste it.

As you all know, I am living my own personal health journey after being diagnosed with breast cancer. My treatment continues post-surgery, and I am currently halfway through 20 sessions of radiation therapy. Week one went well, and I realised it wasn’t as scary as I had anticipated.

The weeks before I was to start radiation, I was staying with my Mum, who is supporting my Dad on his own health journey after a fractured hip and severe delirium. He’s been in the hospital for almost ten weeks, and it doesn’t look like the journey will end any time soon. He is out of the woods health-wise for now, but he has a very difficult rehabilitation to complete to enable his return home. I call both Mum and Dad twice a day and follow up with the medical staff as needed, to support Mum in understanding the treatments and planning for Dad’s care. As you can imagine this is a worrying time and I try to focus on positivity and not stress.

At the end of week one of radiation, I began to feel a tickle in my throat and a small cough developing. Got to love Winter ❄️. I felt absolutely lousy and hoped that some vitamin C, fluids, and paracetamol would help me recover quickly. Unfortunately, I woke up full of stuffiness and congestion, temperatures, and a hacking cough that made my ribs and forehead ache 🤒. I had to hold them to cough just to stop the pain. Now, about ten days in, I’m still trying to shake this chest infection.

On the positive side, it wasn’t Covid, and so far, the radiation has caused me very little discomfort to my breast from exposure.

My dilemma at this time is that every waking moment the aspects of this diagnosis and treatments are whirling around in my head. It’s not visible and I’m not sick from the cancer or treatments but, it’s there, if you know what I mean. Its very surreal because when you’re told you have cancer typically you’d expect to be sick. But I’m not sick from the cancer. It’s as if it doesn’t exist, and I feel expected to act normally.

I don’t get asked by many very often how radiation is going or if I’m okay. Maybe someone asks how my day was now and then, but nothing sincere or specific. While I appreciate the intention, it can feel negative or dismissive. Ultimately it doesn’t matter what type of cancer someone has; just hearing the words “You have cancer” is traumatic. Yes, it's a type of trauma—those three words can cause PTSD, which requires significant comfort and support for the sufferer.

I guess what I’m saying is that since my diagnosis, I have felt like my world has fallen apart. Even after receiving education and clarification about the specifics of my disease, which has a high success rate, it still lingers within me. The treatments I’m undergoing are focused on whether “it” the cancer is still in me microscopically. My particular type of cancer will haunt my mind for the rest of my life just because I’m a woman. Sounds gloomy, “yes” but that is the honest fact.

People deal with things in different ways, and life gets busy, often in the way. However, I know that those who say they will be there aren’t always present as they promised. They may have the intention, love, and compassion, but we are all traveling through life frantically each day. These past two weeks have been extremely lonely, miserable, and stressful. I continue to focus on self-help and acknowledging that we are completely responsible for our own happiness and perceptions. Every day, I listen to audiobooks, read, and focus on positive affirmations. Every day, I move with intentions and actions toward becoming a better person both for myself and so I can also govern to others who need it. I am attempting to quit smoking, juicing daily, soaking up morning sunshine before 9 am and grounding with nature barefooted and meditating. Maintaining adequate hydration, eating better, using my exercise bike and completing physio routines.

My kids have been supporting my Mum and visiting my Dad, which I deeply appreciate, as I am unable to be there at this time. My other son and his partner have just had their second child and face their own losses on her family’s side as well.

As life puts its demands on each of us, I often think about one thing: no matter what we do, we are all just trying to survive. So my question is, what’s the point? What’s the point of our existence? There must be a point! I mean, my Dad is 78 and fighting to reclaim some normalcy in his life.

We have so many things to be grateful for and also so many things that seem unnecessary yet are described as requirements for a happy or successful life. Apparently! Finding the meaning and balance is a difficult task.

I am looking to find the peace that the father in the news story showed. After the tragedy and trauma he experienced and now has the ability to portray such gratitude and inner peace is blissfully beautiful. Something we all deserve to have in us.

I would love to hear everyone’s opinion on what our purpose is! Surely there is a reason for our existence! Understanding it would help clarify the how and why of our journeys.

Sending love and strength to all of you ❤️

Tee 🩷 xox