🧳 Hello, Fellow Unpackers! 🧳
Hello my dear fellow unpackers! I have kept you all in my mind and heart over the last month. Often thinking to myself I have left you guys hanging and you must feel like I’m ghosting you. Before I unpack my journery please know that is not the case and your journeys mean so much to me too. In revealing my recent journey I hope it resonates with you and if you need to reach out please do so.
A few posts back I had discussed that I was undertaking placement for my university studies. During placement I had a pain in my right armpit. It felt tender and hard in one spot. Thinking to myself, hmmm that doesn’t seem good I decided I should probably get it checked so I searched Breast screening near me. As always once you look up something other information starts to appear in your social media.
In some of this information it explained changes to the breast you should be aware of. Obvious lumps, nipple changes or discharge, rashes, hot areas and new dimples. I had never heard of dimpling to be a cause of concern when checking your breasts. The reason for this alarm was that over a few months I had noticed a dimple that had never been there before. Brushing it off as changes due to weight loss and regain, gravity, peri menopause and well general change as I aged. I booked an appointment for a mammogram asap.
I continued my hectic schedule of shifts with work between placement shifts until my mammogram appointment arrived. I had my mammogram and the lovely staff advising me I would receive my results in 2 weeks. The process would not stop churning in my mind but I had to stay positive. One week later I received a call. They were recalling me for further tests and assessment. The nurse reassured me that sometimes they just needed to get some better imaging and to try not to worry.
Always easier said than done however I went back the following week to the next clinic where I had a 3D mammogram, physical examination by a breast surgeon and ultrasound. It was the dimple on my left that was of concern. My right symptoms had stopped and they said there was nothing of concern to the right breast.
One of their Doctors came out to the waiting room calling my name and I followed her into an office. She explained that the surgeon wanted to do a biopsy. Feeling a little teary I was suddenly overwhelmed and my mind was blurring in confusion. The doctor was caring and reassuring saying it will be ok and give us a definite outcome. So I went and had the biopsy. It was uncomfortable and bruised a lot. Minimal pain just uncomfortable.
Again they said I would have the results in two weeks. The waiting and unknown is mentally exhausting. Emotionally also, I would cry out of no where and not even understand what had triggered my tears exactly. One week later I was called to say can you come in, we have your result's. I was focusing on remaining positive and telling myself it’s going to be negative.
One week later driving in to my appointment I started to cry and could not stop. Arriving again to the clinic and the Dr calling my name, they didn’t need to tell me. I knew in my heart the result's. She touched my hand gently with reassurance and told me I was positive for Left Breast Cancer. I was a mess, they gave me a folder and said everything you need to know is in here. And if I needed to talk after all this sunk in to call them. They acknowledged my shock and grief was going to make it difficult to discuss it at that moment. I thanked them for their support and almost ran all the way back to my car, sobbing.
I tried to pull myself together because I needed to call my mum and dad. I didn’t do a very good job but even as upset as I was my parents were positive and comforting. I notified my boss who also was supportive and comforting and told me to take a few days to process everything. I messaged my house mates and my best friend. Driving home it was another of those trips on auto pilot. Arriving home safely with no recollection of the trip.
Then I went to my room and cried and cried and cried. The usual questions going through my mind, why me? What’s caused this? When are the challenges going to stop? Falling asleep my 15year old Daughter woke me at 6pm so we could feed all the farm animals before dark. The sleep had settled my eyes from puffiness and she asked me how it went. In an instant I felt like I had to protect her. So I said I have to have more tests. She gave me a hug and positively said must not be much if they have to keep searching Mum. Oh to have that optimism again of youth.
I focused on normalcy and routine to keep my mind distracted and to protect my children. I wanted to see the surgeon and find out everything before I decided to tell my children.
On this day I had received my diagnosis I went to bed but was woken at 1.30am with a call from my daughter in the NT. She was distraught her relationship of 5 years ending. I knew I had to keep this to myself definitely for now. A week later she returned to Qld permanently and we had a wedding to attend. The couple were like my own children to me so I did not want to let my news wreck their day. The following Wednesday I saw the surgeon, she clarified the procedure which included a lumpectomy and node biopsy. She told me what type of cancer it was and its properties and the treatment planned. She reassured me saying we have found it early and the outcome is good.
That afternoon I received a call from the hospital confirming I was scheduled for surgery a week later. Relieved they were getting it out of me quickly. I now could tell my children. The boys were boys and said funny things like at least you get to keep your boob. My youngest was like it will be gone soon and my 22 year old broke down. It was a lot with everything she had gone through with her relationship ending and moving back to Qld. After all it was also only 3 and a half years since they lost their father to cancer. As we told her the details she began to calm down and see the positives like early diagnosis and quick treatment. And the high cure rate for this type. She suddenly said you got this Mumma after everything else you’ve gone through this will be a piece of cake.
That night I lay in bed and quietly thanked the darkened room for my wonderfully strong and amazing children.
This is a lot to process and only a small portion of the month’s craziness. I feel that my takeaway here is that no one is immune from health issues and that we all need to give ourselves praise from giving ourselves lots of self love and acknowledging the good we have done. Like how amazing my kids were when I told them my Diagnosis of Breast Cancer to their support before I began treatments.
I will leave it here for this post, but will continue with a Part 2.
If you or anyone you know has been diagnosed with Breast Cancer I beg you to seek emotional and mental professional help and to talk about whatever concerns you are thinking of or feeling.
Until part two, remember you matter, you are strong and you are loved.
Sending love and strength to all of you ❤️
Tee 🩷 xox
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