Who and why we are the way we are!

🧳 Hello, Fellow Unpackers! 🧳

A big welcome back to everyone! I hope you are all enjoying our journey of unpacking who we are and what being truly authentic means.

As I started this week’s blog, I reflected on the different elements that make up each of us and what influences our actions, feelings, and behavior. Do we really understand who we are and why we are the way we are? That’s a huge question, and I don’t know about you, but it feels like a giant concept to grasp.

We are born, and a new life is created. We grow through infancy, childhood, and our teen years until we become adults. But for what purpose? Why do we exist? Surely, there must be a reason! If there wasn’t, why would we have emotions or feelings? Would it matter whether we are funny, sad, happy, successful, talented, or smart? Why do physical attributes like height or appearance hold any significance? Wouldn't life run like clockwork if we functioned like emotionless robots?

Honestly, I don’t have all the answers. This week, I’m hoping some of you will share your thoughts to help me unpack these questions.

In my research, I read that humans have about 70,000 thoughts a day, most of which are automatic, with only a few being consciously considered. This realization made me feel exhausted. Wow, our brains do so much work, but what for?

Of course, many unconscious thoughts are essential for our physical functions—like walking, talking, or even mindlessly driving from point A to point B, only to realize you didn’t consciously remember the drive. It’s a bit scary how we can go into autopilot without realizing it, yet our unconscious thoughts keep us safe.

So, what’s the point of all these thoughts? Why are so many negative or self-limiting? The answer lies in the influences we encounter from birth to adulthood. No one is perfect. Even the well-meaning people in our lives can inadvertently hurt us, which can lead to varying degrees of trauma.

When we become parents, for instance, there's no instruction manual that comes with our newborn. We’re thrown into the deep end, trying to keep our heads above water, hoping we get it right. Grandparents often provide advice that is well-meant but may not be applicable to every child or situation.

Some people nurture and guide in a sensitive manner, while others use tough love. This leads us to the question: What does this exposure do to a new human being? Is it compatible with their innate personality? Does it foster gentle, kind, and secure adults who value their self-worth? Or does it create adults who feel insecure, unheard, or undervalued—controlled by fear?

I have my own opinions and a feel I understand who I am as a person and my values. Yet, I also know what I fear. I don’t know when fear began to control who I am or how to undo its effects on my life.

Fear triggers alarm bells and negative limitations. Why are we so scared of what others might think or say? Isn’t it what makes us happy and valued that truly matters? I can hear you saying, “Yes, that’s what's important!”

So, how can we undo the influences that lead to those insecure, fearful thoughts running through our minds daily? I’ve always felt I was kind and respectful, considering others' feelings and trying to empower their confidence and self-worth.

As I approach my 50th year, I still worry about what others think of me or how my words may lead to conflict. I fear upsetting people and losing them. Why can’t I be my true, authentic self? Why can’t I have boundaries that deserve respect?

Too often, I feel that I’m not strong enough or resilient enough to risk losing everyone I hold close by asserting, “I deserve better than this.” Many of those people carry their own emotional baggage, handling it in unconstructive ways, and I admit that I allow this behavior.

Partly because I recognize we often don’t understand what a person's own 70,000 thoughts are saying and how they affect that individual. I try to find the good in people, even when negativity rises.

Ultimately, it goes back to what I shared earlier: No one is truly perfect. With those we are closest to, the saying "familiarity breeds contempt" often rings true. That’s when fear creeps in—the fear of speaking up or standing firm could push them away and leave us suffering with loneliness.

By avoiding arguments or conflict, we end up betraying ourselves. We tolerate uncomfortable situations just to avoid hostility, leading to feelings of loneliness anyway.

It seems we find ourselves in a damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don’t situation. Pretty frustrating, right?

I’ll conclude this week with what I’m doing to respect myself and build my self-worth. Every day, I remind myself that I am here for a reason. I tell myself I am safe, valued, and loved. I high-five myself in the mirror—a tool from @Mel Robbins' book The High 5 Habit—and while I’m at it, I found this tool after coming across her latest book, The Let Them Theory.

This book is what prompted me to start unpacking the real me. I hear her voice, and something clicks inside me. I feel safe, loved, and guided. Sometimes, I even listen to her audiobook, not just to hear the words but to feel her energy. I’ve listened to The Let Them Theory 11 times so far. One day, I hope to meet @Mel Robbins in person. I may not have fully unpacked myself, healed, or grown completely, but I have definitely changed the direction of my path.

My father always told me to look in the mirror every morning and say, “Today is going to be a great day.” It’s taken until now, my 50th year, to realize that this is just like @Mel Robbins’ high-five approach.

Let me remind you: you are enough. You can do this! You, too, are worthy of respect, happiness, and love.

Sending love and strength to all of you ❤️

Tee 🩷 xox