Who and why we are the way we are!

🧳 Hello, Fellow Unpackers! 🧳

A big welcome back to everyone! I hope you are all enjoying our journey of unpacking who we are and what being truly authentic means.

As I started this week’s blog, I reflected on the different elements that make up each of us and what influences our actions, feelings, and behavior. Do we really understand who we are and why we are the way we are? That’s a huge question, and I don’t know about you, but it feels like a giant concept to grasp.

We are born, and a new life is created. We grow through infancy, childhood, and our teen years until we become adults. But for what purpose? Why do we exist? Surely, there must be a reason! If there wasn’t, why would we have emotions or feelings? Would it matter whether we are funny, sad, happy, successful, talented, or smart? Why do physical attributes like height or appearance hold any significance? Wouldn't life run like clockwork if we functioned like emotionless robots?

Honestly, I don’t have all the answers. This week, I’m hoping some of you will share your thoughts to help me unpack these questions.

In my research, I read that humans have about 70,000 thoughts a day, most of which are automatic, with only a few being consciously considered. This realization made me feel exhausted. Wow, our brains do so much work, but what for?

Of course, many unconscious thoughts are essential for our physical functions—like walking, talking, or even mindlessly driving from point A to point B, only to realize you didn’t consciously remember the drive. It’s a bit scary how we can go into autopilot without realizing it, yet our unconscious thoughts keep us safe.

So, what’s the point of all these thoughts? Why are so many negative or self-limiting? The answer lies in the influences we encounter from birth to adulthood. No one is perfect. Even the well-meaning people in our lives can inadvertently hurt us, which can lead to varying degrees of trauma.

When we become parents, for instance, there's no instruction manual that comes with our newborn. We’re thrown into the deep end, trying to keep our heads above water, hoping we get it right. Grandparents often provide advice that is well-meant but may not be applicable to every child or situation.

Some people nurture and guide in a sensitive manner, while others use tough love. This leads us to the question: What does this exposure do to a new human being? Is it compatible with their innate personality? Does it foster gentle, kind, and secure adults who value their self-worth? Or does it create adults who feel insecure, unheard, or undervalued—controlled by fear?

I have my own opinions and a feel I understand who I am as a person and my values. Yet, I also know what I fear. I don’t know when fear began to control who I am or how to undo its effects on my life.

Fear triggers alarm bells and negative limitations. Why are we so scared of what others might think or say? Isn’t it what makes us happy and valued that truly matters? I can hear you saying, “Yes, that’s what's important!”

So, how can we undo the influences that lead to those insecure, fearful thoughts running through our minds daily? I’ve always felt I was kind and respectful, considering others' feelings and trying to empower their confidence and self-worth.

As I approach my 50th year, I still worry about what others think of me or how my words may lead to conflict. I fear upsetting people and losing them. Why can’t I be my true, authentic self? Why can’t I have boundaries that deserve respect?

Too often, I feel that I’m not strong enough or resilient enough to risk losing everyone I hold close by asserting, “I deserve better than this.” Many of those people carry their own emotional baggage, handling it in unconstructive ways, and I admit that I allow this behavior.

Partly because I recognize we often don’t understand what a person's own 70,000 thoughts are saying and how they affect that individual. I try to find the good in people, even when negativity rises.

Ultimately, it goes back to what I shared earlier: No one is truly perfect. With those we are closest to, the saying "familiarity breeds contempt" often rings true. That’s when fear creeps in—the fear of speaking up or standing firm could push them away and leave us suffering with loneliness.

By avoiding arguments or conflict, we end up betraying ourselves. We tolerate uncomfortable situations just to avoid hostility, leading to feelings of loneliness anyway.

It seems we find ourselves in a damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don’t situation. Pretty frustrating, right?

I’ll conclude this week with what I’m doing to respect myself and build my self-worth. Every day, I remind myself that I am here for a reason. I tell myself I am safe, valued, and loved. I high-five myself in the mirror—a tool from @Mel Robbins' book The High 5 Habit—and while I’m at it, I found this tool after coming across her latest book, The Let Them Theory.

This book is what prompted me to start unpacking the real me. I hear her voice, and something clicks inside me. I feel safe, loved, and guided. Sometimes, I even listen to her audiobook, not just to hear the words but to feel her energy. I’ve listened to The Let Them Theory 11 times so far. One day, I hope to meet @Mel Robbins in person. I may not have fully unpacked myself, healed, or grown completely, but I have definitely changed the direction of my path.

My father always told me to look in the mirror every morning and say, “Today is going to be a great day.” It’s taken until now, my 50th year, to realize that this is just like @Mel Robbins’ high-five approach.

Let me remind you: you are enough. You can do this! You, too, are worthy of respect, happiness, and love.

Sending love and strength to all of you ❤️

Tee 🩷 xox

Better Late than Never

 🧳 Hello, Fellow Unpackers! 🧳

I’m a couple of days late, but as they say, "better late than never!" Firstly, welcome back, and I’m so grateful to have you all on this journey with me. Before I get into what I have been up to, I just wanted to let you all know that I am here for you and would love to get to know you all and hear how you are doing on your own adventure unpacking the real you.

So hit the follow button and send me an email; you are not alone. Always remember that. xx

My journey this week has been crazy, with me finalizing my university placement, studying, and traveling through everyday ordeals. I return to work this week, thankfully, so income can resume. That’s one relief, I assure you.

All the above said and done is only a speck in the reality of life’s big picture. I have been emotionally supporting some dear people in my life who are going through what I would say is one of the hardest struggles anyone can experience. One is about to leave this world on another journey and the other is losing the love of their life.

“Traumatic” is the best word I feel to explain the situation. I know firsthand how emotional a journey this is, as I too have nursed my own husband and the father of my children as he left this world.

Tears have been constant, and it’s been impossible not to show my emotions. The personal struggle of my dear friends is a fresh reminder of the past and a time of reflection. Nothing prepares us when we lose or are in the process of losing someone we love. Nothing explains the feelings or emotions that arise.

When looking after our loved ones, it’s difficult to respect their wishes at times when you just want to help them. As they are declining, our very hearts and souls are being ripped from our being, and we are torn apart by not wanting them to leave while praying for their pain and suffering to end.

At this moment, I just want to ask you all to remember to have self-compassion and kindness toward yourself. Remember, it’s okay not to be okay. It’s okay to need help and support. We never know what life will give us or what our ends will involve.

So, as we continue on our present path, I’d like to ask that we appreciate everything and anything we get the opportunity to experience. Good or bad, let’s find the lessons in these experiences.

If your trauma or past experiences still bring you immense grief or sadness I urge you to reach out and get support. Birth and death are expected parts of life, what we do in between is up to us.

Turning 50 has really made me consider that I need to make the most of every single moment, feel it, process it and allow myself to heal when needed. To find the greatest parts still to enjoy. Find the happiness and discard the negativity and draining non constructive parts.

This post is dedicated to the person who was like a second Dad to me. In respect of him I will not mention his name but I will miss you very much. Those close to me will know who I am referring to. I am beyond broken that I did not get to see you in time but am grateful we got to say our goodbyes on the phone. I love you. And I will finish my degree I promise you. I will make you proud. I will be their always for your wife I promise that too, an amazing woman I’m so grateful to have as a friend and second Mum.

I know this is quite a sad post but it’s also a celebration to an amazing person who didn’t give up the fight. And a lesson to us all to give our everything on our own life journey.

Sending love and strength to everyone ❤️

Tee 🩷 xox

"Wow, What a Week! Lessons from My Busy Days—How Did Yours Go?"

  🧳 Hello, Fellow Unpackers! 🧳

This week felt like a real challenge from the get-go, starting my day at 4:00 AM every day. I had mapped out my routine, carefully considering travel time, costs, my personal tasks, and the joys of parenting a teenager.

I’m also juggling studying for a university degree, which includes doing unpaid placements. If you’ve walked this path of self-improvement, you know how draining it can be.

Taking time off from my regular job to invest energy in a future that depends on meeting the requirements of my degree—while also relying on others to determine what I learn during these placements—can be quite overwhelming.

This is the third week of four, and I’m exhausted, to say the least. What I find most challenging is getting enough sleep to stay energized. I often find myself mulling over what’s truly a priority among all my tasks, deciding what’s essential and what can wait.

I’m a big fan of list-making, and I knew this month was going to be huge. So, I wrote out my list and even used post-it notes as a countdown for completing big tasks. During the first weekend, I created countdowns for my work shifts and another set for my placement shifts.

These countdowns help me focus on the positives of completing what I have to do. My lists keep me organized, whether it’s taking my daily medication, doing laundry, or scheduling my shower time to ensure I have some relaxation before bed.

I’ve got a bedtime routine that includes hypnosis and a plan for getting out of bed in the morning. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never been a morning person, and at 49, that hasn’t changed! 😂

I always strive to be flexible and pride myself on being adaptable to those my actions affect. I value reliability and make it a point to ensure my actions align with my words.

Learning is all about seeking opportunities, especially when they aren’t presented to you, and it’s essential to take constructive feedback to enhance your knowledge and skills. We all have our own ways of learning. Personally, I enjoy self-guided education, which doesn't always mean formal practices. I love reading books, watching videos on YouTube, and recently, I’ve started getting into audiobooks.

I’ve begun using my commute to and from work—or any trip, really—to educate myself. While I absolutely love music (it’s therapeutic and brings me joy that sometimes life misses), I’ve found that swapping out some of that time for education has been extremely rewarding. Audio and visual materials are helping me learn more quickly than just reading traditional text.

In my quest to understand my learning style better, I discovered there are four basic types: Visual, Auditory, Read/Write, and Kinesthetic. Understanding this has allowed me to focus more on the Auditory and Visual methods, and I’m finding I can retain information much better than I did before.

What about you? What’s your learning style? I’d love to hear your thoughts on learning, time management, and self-care! This journey I’m on to unpack and find the real me is also aimed at helping others who might be feeling lost, struggling or alone.

Let us unpack and improve together, no one should ever feel alone. From the bottom of my heart l Love you!

Tee 🩷 xox